Whoo! Way to dive into such a deep subject on my first post! One of my lovely girls from teen camp texted me about this issue, and I decided to turn my response into a blog post. These are my PERSONAL views on this issue, so please, before making this HUGE decision, talk to God, talk to your partner, and if you feel comfortable, talk to a pastor or even your parents (scary, I know). I still come to my parents for advice, even though I'm an adult and living in a different town!

I need to talk about sex. Sex is awesome! Well, I wouldn't know, personally, I've never done it. But I've come pretty close. But we'll get to that later. It seems that many people, especially those who are affiliated with any sort of religion, associate sex with something bad, dirty, or shameful. I'm here to tell you that that is NOT the case! Sex is a wonderful, fun thing. If used properly. God gave sex to us as a gift, and in my opinion, it will be the best wedding present that I will ever get.  God made sex to feel great. He gave sex to us for a specific purpose. Some people will tell you that that purpose is to make babies. That's true, that is something sex has a habit of doing. But that is not the only reason God gave us sex! " Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. " (Genisis 2:24) I never saw anything about babies in that sentence, did you? I'll tell you something, sex does something to your mind. When you have sex with someone, it makes you as physically close to someone as you can get. In fact, with women, when they have sex, their mind releases "drug" called oxytocine, something that emotionally bonds them to their partner.  For good. Like, forever. Even if there's a messy breakup and they end up hating the man's guts, they still won't be able to get rid of the feelings they deep down feel for that man. Something similar happens to the man. Their bodies release something called dopamine, and It sort of reminds me of ducks and imprinting. So, when both men and women have sex for the first time, it creates a powerful mind explosion that connects them to one another. And you know what, I feel like God sneakily threw that in there to make sure that when a couple marries and has sex, they are bonded for life in a healthy, personal way. But when that gift of sex is abused, it causes permanent psychological damage to everyone involved.  Anyways, that's why God gave us sex: To permanently join us to our spouse.

But the problem is, the question people always ask is, "why not have sex before marriage?" when the question should be, "why SHOULD we have sex before marriage."

I have made the personal decision to keep sex out of my relationship until marriage. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than two years. It has been so great! And we are very kissy and huggy and touchy. But from the very start of our relationship (yes, the very start), we sat down and had The Talk. And we decided that no matter what, our relationship was either going to end up in us getting married, or us breaking up. It was that simple. Now, when you're deciding whether or not to have sex with someone, you need to look at the two possible paths in front of you. Marriage or dumpage. If you break up, you will have emotionally and physically attached yourself to that person for good. It's like a tattoo; once it's done, you can't undo it. Remember in the beginning when I said that I have came pretty close to sex? The last boyfriend I had, we messed around a lot. And I can justify myself and let you know that he pressured me, sometimes even forced me, he threatened to leave me, and he all-around brainwashed me. It's the truth, but it doesn't matter, because I did it anyways, and I had the full capacity to stand up for myself and say no. And I didn't. And believe me, it was nearly the worst pain I've ever felt , having to tell my dear sweet Devin about it. I was in tears the whole time, and it felt like I was going to have my heart ripped out. It hurt so badly to see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes. And I didn't even have sex! Imagine how it would have affected me if I had, and I would have to tell him. I know you might be thinking, "well, I just won't tell him/her then." Doesn't work that way. Believe me, I have tried to hide stuff from him. It just doesn't work! If you're that close to someone else, it will be unbearable after a certain time to try to deal with the guilt and pain all on your own. And fessing up makes you feel so much better. But it's hard! And in the moment when you spill your guts, it will feel so much worse. And if I had tried to hide something as big of sex from him, it would have done me so much harm. But the good part is, that was something I did NOT have to discuss with him! Bottom line is, if you choose to have sex even though you know you're gonna eventually break up, it won't be worth it. Trust me, fifteen minutes of heaven won't be worth years' worth of agonizing later. I still have to deal with my guilt and pain, even though we've talked about it thoroughly and it's all said and done with.

So what happens if you decide you're going to get married? Does that mean it's ok to go and have sex then? Other people might say yes…I say no. I went to public school for a bit, and they taught us to wait to have sex until you "find someone special." (side note: they also taught me "don't have sex, it's bad, but we know you're gonna do it anyways, so here, have some condoms.") Okay…so…what does "special" mean? There's no "special" scale that I can whip out and make sure someone is special enough. Sure, considering marriage must mean they're pretty darn special. So why wait? I'll tell you why. First of all, you're going to get married. It's going to happen anyways! And honestly for me, I think it will be thoroughly worth it on my wedding night. I will be thanking my will power for getting me to that moment still a virgin! Secondly, there are a LOT of things to go wrong. I know so many people who have been together for YEARS and seem like the world's perfect couple, and then they start having sex, and their entire relationship changes. It's either all about sex, or it turns into a weird awkward thing. Now I know you might be thinking that surely your relationship won't turn into that. You wanna know something? That's exactly what I'm thinking, too. I'm pretty darn positive that if Devin and I have sex, our relationship won't change at all. But the thing is, there is that chance. However small, it is still there. And I love Devin SO MUCH that I'm not willing to take that chance. It's just not worth it! Also, I know two different couples who were so excited about marriage, and then as soon as they started having sex, they got…comfortable. And not in a good way. Because honestly, think about it. If you're living together and having sex, what's the point of marriage? They got too comfortable in their relationships, and now to this day, they're still not married. It's weird, they're sort of like roommates that have sex with each other. That "casual" attitude about my relationship with Devin is not something that I can wrap my mind around. Also, I'm young. Eighteen is young! And we started dating when we were fifteen. Marriage seemed SOOOO far off then. But now, it's really close. And the closer it gets, the more happy I am that we're waiting. It will be so worth it. Only a little bit longer. And I will be so happy that we decided to save ourselves for each other. He is a virgin, and so am I. And on our wedding night, we will have LOTS of fun. We'll have something to look forward to. And sadly, most marriages now have nothing to look forward to.

Another thing. When I get married, and I have sex with my husband for the very first time, the only thing I will think about is him and I. And I'll have that ability. Most people our age that have sex don't have that gift, because they are having sex outside of marriage. They won't be able to completely concentrate on their partner because they'll be worrying. Worrying about things like, "will he/she leave me after we're done?" "Does he/she only love me because of sex?" "What if we get caught?" "What if someone finds out?" And, drumroll please... Here I am, I'm going to say it, the "B" word that you've probably been waiting for: Babies. "What if I get…PREGNANT????" I will tell you that the word "abortion" is not an option for me. Devin and I have decided that if we screw up, we won't even consider abortion, because it is straight up killing, I don't care how you try to sugarcoat it. But more on that elsewhere. So, assuming you've taken that option out of your list of very few options, then you have a few decisions to make. Ladies, will your boyfriend leave you if you get pregnant? Men, will you step up and stay with her and take care of your child? Sadly, very rarely when a couple is faced with pregnancy, does it become a "group effort". That sucks for the lady, and that also sucks for the man who was immature enough to make the decision to do that to his girlfriend. I cannot even put enough bad words to the scum who leaves his girl after he gets her pregnant. It takes two to make a baby. So, what other options does the girl have? Depending on age, she could either give her baby up for adoption or let her parents adopt the baby and take care of it as their own. That is something that is very common. If you're a bit older, say seventeen or eighteen, you could choose to keep the baby and take care of it, or let your parents help out when things get rough. Something that would be VERY terrible is to have to drop out of school to take care of your baby. In the economy now, that is pretty much not an option if you ever want to make money, pretty much ever. So, nine months of having a load of bricks in your tummy and eighteen more years of raising a child…seems like a really rough punishment for a night's worth of fun, right? The thing is, it is so sad that nowadays pregnancy is something that is regarded as so negative. Pregnancy is a miracle happening inside of your own body! I personally cannot wait to have children of my own….when I am married, financially stable, and ready.

Now I need to talk to you about something even worse than getting pregnant. *gasp* how can there be anything worse than having to sit down with your parents and telling them you're pregnant? Three little letters: STD. You might be wrinkling your nose and going, "no way, that won't happen to me." How do you know that? Your partner could very well be lying to you about how many sexual partners they've had. And even if they haven't had any, if you're having sex outside of marriage, chances are you will eventually wind up having more than one partner. And that's all it takes. Fun fact, did you know that you can actually get an STD without even having sex? That's right, you can! It's very easy, in fact. Same as this other little known fact: you can even get pregnant without penetration! How's that for sending chills down your spine? Condoms have a 30% fail rate. That's…HUGE. How about going to a doctor and having him tell you that this surgery to remove a mole will have a three-out-of-ten chance of killing you? No way! Who would do that? It seems point blank, and yet people still think that condoms are failsafe. In fact, my mom knew someone who used condoms, birth control, AND spermicide, had sex ONCE, and STILL got pregnant. Ouch. Bottom line: Save it for that special someone.

And most important of all: God just doesn't want that to happen. He doesn't! The Bible is riddled with his warnings against adultery. In no way ever does He condone it. He even goes so far to say that if you commit adultery, you WILL go to Hell. So…I think he's pretty serious about this.

To wrap this up, I guess it all comes to a personal decision. If you've read all that I have written and still think it's okay to go ahead and have sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend, it would make me very sad. But I hope that the words I've said have planted something in your mind to mull over and think about. This is not a decision to take lightly, and I hope you and your partner include God in whatever you decide.